A WALK OF FAITH By Kathleen Wozniak

 “I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit…;” ^{John 15:16} “The gifts and calling of God are without repentance…;” ^{Rom. 11:29}   “…there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female for all are one in Christ Jesus…” ^{Gal. 3:28}  These scriptures are just a few that have led me to believe God in His calling on my life.  As I look back over my life, I see truly, it is only as I have followed God that I have had “…life and life more abundantly.” ^{John 10:10}

 What does it mean to be a woman who knows she is: called by God, anointed to preach, and has a heart for the nations?  In today’s world, that is considered “awesome,” “radical,” and invites the response “let’s go do it!” by those 30 and under.  For me, it has been a challenge which has forced me to seek God with an intensity that often frightens others in the “over 40+” age group.

Born in 1955 and raised Roman Catholic, I had a heart for the Lord and wanted to “know Him” just like (the apostle) John.  However, in that religious system, the only way to fulfill His call would be to become a nun.  Being a musician, singer, actress, and quite outspoken, I was obviously not a good candidate.  I fully surrendered to the Lord at 17 (which is a story in itself), and my next stage of training came through the teaching of the Southern Baptists at Baylor University.  While listening to Cynthia Clawson in concert, I distinctly heard Holy Spirit speak in my heart, “You will sing and preach just as she is doing in nations around the world.”  Because of my background, I found that statement incredulous and did not take it to heart.  But God is not deterred by our belief system, when the heart is surrendered to Him.  Although it has taken many years, and a rather circuitous route, that is exactly what I have been doing for the better part of the last twenty years.

Admittedly, I tried to force my way into churches to speak.  I was politely, but firmly informed, “Women are not permitted to preach in church; however, you are more than welcome to sing.”  Frustration at not being able to fully share what God was placing on my heart finally led me to try a “non-traditional” style church—a house church.  Suddenly, my world opened as I found a group of people who practiced their worship in accordance with 1 Peter 2:9 and 1 Corinthians 14: 26.  I was expected to preach and teach: not just sing!  I was thrilled, but I also knew I didn’t have enough Bible in me to trust that what I was seeing and receiving from Holy Sprit was really God and not just my emotions.  I wanted to go to Bible School where I would be able to saturate myself in the Word of God night and day for 2 years.  Amazingly, the same leadership that had taught me to always come with my “hath-a” (“When you come together, everyone hath a psalm…” ^{1 Cor. 14:26}) now told me I couldn’t go. I was being a “stubborn woman” and had to stay at home and “learn submission” to the men in charge.

Fortunately, God had another woman in the congregation—a woman who knew her identity in Christ, who challenged me to seek God rather than man.  When I did, “Get out of your country, from your family, and from your father’s house, to a land that I will show you…” ^{Genesis 12:1} leapt out and impacted me with force.   I knew beyond any doubt God was calling me to Bible School—in Australia!  I didn’t wait.  I wrote the elders of Calvary Bible College, (who had the oversight for our house church) explaining the situation and asked if they would take me on “under the given circumstances.”  They gave me permission to attend.  I still look on those two years (1985-1987) as the most formative years of my walk with God.  I did learn how to study the Word of God.  Equally important, I was also taught how to listen and discern then verify, “…by the mouth of two or three witnesses...” ^{Matt. 18:16} that what I “heard by Holy Spirit,” truly was God so I would have confidence in acting on that Word.  That teaching has never let me down.

The parting statement made by one of our teachers is exactly what God has been doing.  Today, He is taking those words to a higher level so that His Word becomes flesh in us. What she prophesied then is even truer today than it was at that time.  “You’ve taken two years putting the Word of God into you.  What that word will bring forth will take at least ten years to become evident.  During that time, many of you will fall away because the cost of that implanted Word will be more than you are willing to pay.  Some of you will stand fast and endure the pressure of that Word becoming flesh—in you, and you will be amazed.”  It’s the very same thing Jesus said in “the Sower and the Seed.” ^{Matt. 13}

I would like to say that I never tried to walk away; I can’t.  The time came when it seemed too high a cost to continue.  I wanted a husband, home and children.  However, the calling I was watching come into being, kept leading me away from the very thing I wanted most in my carnal nature.  “But God…” (my two favorite words in scripture), God kept applying pressure.  In what ways did He do so? By allowing such an ache in my heart for Him because I was not walking in complete transparency with Him.  I was miserable.  After two years of wandering in my “self-will” made “desert,” I ran back into His waiting grace.  When I did, I was amazed by the fact that the calling on my life that had led me to Australia was still in place.  His call is not based on our performance.  Rather, the call is based on/in the nature of God’s amazing love!

Like most of us who are products of the “instant oatmeal” age, I thought because “I was now believing God,” I would immediately arrive at the pinnacle of my ministry.  However, the reality of being made “broken bread and poured-out wine” is a much lengthier process that requires proving and testing.  When the tests are not passed to God’s satisfaction, He lovingly let’s us “walk around the mountain yet again!”  I won’t tell how many times I’ve trudged around the same mountain, but God never gave me more than I could endure.  Truthfully, even the wilderness way has been filled with friendships, love and joy.

Some of you may ask what those times were like.  Well, I spent two seasons in a professional Christian theater writing music for six new musicals!  This in turn, led to creating my own “thought pieces” as one-woman, music/drama productions.  In 1995, God led me to teach in a private school in Tacoma, Washington.  Only six months into the school year, I was given sabbatical to participate in a mission trip to South Mindanao, Philippines.  There I taught leaders of village churches and preached in open-air crusades.  When I returned from this trip, I completed my year’s contract then promptly resigned and went into full-time ministry on the mission field both in America and overseas.

In 1996, I moved to India (yes alone) and worked with five different indigenous ministries while living with local families.  Although it was a difficult time, God taught me so much about his power and absolute authority over all!  I came back to the U.S.A. and was led to become an itinerant preacher living on the road and trusting God to provide all my need.  He has led me back to India numerous times since then with one of the pastors finally declaring, “You are not American; you are a white Indian.”  That statement was a compliment, for the desire of my heart is to be as Paul was “all things to all people, that I might by all means save some.” ^{1Cor. 9:22}

I was fully set to staying on the road and traveling, when one of God’s “suddenly” events occurred: my father died.  After living alone or on the road for over 25 years, I suddenly found myself being asked to return to my parents’ home and stay with my 82-year-old Mother.  At that time, I thought it would only be “for three months or so” and received time off from the mission agency I worked with to “tie things up with Dad’s estate and get Mother settled.”  I realized after two months that would never be enough, as my mother had never lived alone in all of her 82 years!  What was I to do now?  I did what I always do when faced with a “suddenly;” I fasted and prayed. 

I was not thrilled when I realized that God was leading me to start my own ministry.  I contacted my Board, hoping they would tell me to go back and pray some more, but was dumbfounded when they laughingly said; “We’ve been waiting for you to figure that out for the last two years!”  Sometimes it takes a “suddenly” to push you into the will of God.

Starting Shofar Sounding Ministry and doing the paperwork to receive 501C3 status was another obstacle I wanted to avoid.  However, God provided the help and persons to walk me through that process.  Since 2004, when everything was finally in place, I have had to walk through yet another obstacle: “learning to trust God in the administrative work of the ministry.”

That area has almost been defeating, for I find myself second-guessing everything I want to do.  “Is it really God or is it your own emotions?  Whatever choice you make is going to require a major financial outlay.  Are you prepared to make that investment?  It’s really on your own shoulders now that the ministry is in your hands.”  Or is it?  It has taken me the better part of the last three years to finally realize that there’s no difference between trusting God to lead using me as the head of a ministry or as a minister on the road working through an agency. The bottom line is I must trust God.   

My story is not unlike most of yours, which is one of loving God, seeking Him and believing Him to fulfill all He had in mind when He created me.  I’ve lived an interesting life for the most part so far, but it has been unnerving to those who love me but don’t have the same call.  Thank God for Oswald Chambers’ words in My Utmost for His Highest, “Do not to try to explain your call and do not to expect those you love to understand.  They cannot.  Your job is to fulfill your ministry.” My prayer for you all is that you will do exactly that.  “Trust God with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct and make straight your paths.” ^{Prov. 3:5-6*}

All scripture quotations are from the New King James Version unless otherwise noted.  *New King James Version with Amplified Bible for additional emphasis.