Charis R. Hart(her pen name) lives in the northeastern United States with her Christian husband of 27 years and the 5 of their 8 children who still live at home. Although Charis attended CIU Seminary in the mid 1980's with her husband in preparation for foreign missionary service, her primary job and ministry has long been child rearing. The Hart's children are between the ages of 7-25 and are Charis' greatest treasures. She has enjoyed being a stay at home mother to them. Although Charis homeschooled for some 5 years, she made the transition to sending them to school several years ago. When her youngest child entered school she was also elected to serve her small community as the Town Clerk. She has enjoyed getting to know people in her community better and (hopefully) shining for Jesus.

Charis writes, "On my 48th birthday (November '07), the Lord gave me a special gift which touched me deeply. I realized I have a kindred spirit with a woman who thought deeply about the same passages and books which have drawn me. She is Katharine Bushnell. Her book 'God's Word to Women,' which began in 1906 as a correspondence course, is the subject of the God's Word to Women blog. I read some things in her book which had occurred to me, but who am I? What do I know? I am now convinced that she and I and all who have ears to hear will 'hear what the Spirit says to the churches.'"

Porn Sows Death

by Charis R. Hart

  What is a Christian wife to do if her husband is addicted to porn?

Rise up, Christian wife.   YOU are  his  help meet!

Katharine Bushnell (1856-1946) wrote:

What is a "help meet"?  Genesis 2:20 describes the purpose of the creation of woman.  She is to be  the man's "help meet"- ezer kenegdo in transliterated Hebrew.

The word ezer is used only twenty other places in the entire Old Testament. Fifteen of those are descriptions  of God Himself coming through for you when you need Him desperately: often life and death situations  with God as your only hope. Your ezer. If He is not there beside you… you are dead. Kenegdo means alongside, or opposite to, a counterpart. So, ezer kenegdo/"help meet" is a lifesaving partner.  What God has called a wife to be, HE will equip her to be!

What does this have to do with porn use?  Porn sows death.  His very spiritual life hangs in the balance.   Nowadays, porn use is at epidemic proportions among self professing Christians and even among pastors.  Here are just a few statistics taken from a large collection compiled by Blazing Grace:

My husband of over 25 years is a Christian who struggled with porn use.   Active membership in church did not bring deliverance, attempts to be part of male "accountability programs" did not bring deliverance.  Deliverance came only when I stopped listening to all the messages coming from various corners of evangelical Christian subculture about the duties of a Christian wife, started seeking God deeply and rose to the Holy Spirit's challenge to  be transformed into the keeper at home and the help meet which God has called and authorized me to be.  Neither the church nor other male  "accountability partners" are on the front lines when it comes to victory over the scourge of porn in Christian homes.  I am convinced that the wife's role is  key.  Biblically, she is the only one on earth who is called to be her husband's  "help meet"/ezer kenegdo and expressly given authority over his very body (see 1 Cor 7).

There are very few real life examples of married couples in the NT.  Among them are Ananias and Sapphira.  You can read the account of them from Acts 5 here.  I must confess that I was guilty of entertaining what I refer to as a  "Sapphira spirit".  Because the porn statistics are so deplorable among Christians, I have to wonder if many other Christian wives are also following in Sapphira's footsteps?

Why did Sapphira follow her husband in death?  The passage explains that this happened because they “agreed together“ (Acts 5:9).  The Greek word there is derived from, sumphóneó with root words  sun- together and phóné -voice.  Strong’s concordance defines sumphoneo as “to call out with, to be in harmony, generally to agree”.  Note how the word resembles our English word “symphony”.

Ananias and Sapphira were harmonious; agreeable. But what did they agree to do? They agreed to to lie to the Holy Ghost (vs 3); to tempt the Spirit of the Lord (vs. 9).  The definition of “to tempt” provided here is “to challenge”.  They agree to lie to the Holy Spirit and to challenge the Holy Spirit.

Notice the repetition word for word of the birth of great fear, following the death of Ananias, and again following the death of Sapphira:

and came fear great Acts 5:5
καὶ ἐγένετο φόβος μέγας
kai egeneto phobos megas.

and came fear great Acts 5:11
καὶ ἐγένετο φόβος μέγας
kai egeneto phobos megas.

I am struck by the equality of responsibility, and of consequences.  I am also struck by the root cause of their death- an absence of appropriate FEAR!

Could a lack of appropriate FEAR be contributing to the epidemic of porn use and preventing revival among Christians?

Upon some word study of the teaching on marriage in  Ephesians 5, I realized that within marriage,  PHOBEO/fear is a responsibility expressly  placed upon the wife:

Eph 5:33 “wife that she fear [her] husband”

Bible translations are just that: translations.  The God breathed Word was originally given in Greek and Hebrew.   I believe the above rendition of Ephesians 5:33 (from the interlinear at biblos.com) is an honest translation which takes the God breathed Greek word at face value.

Is it comfortable?  Does it fit the tradition?  Do we like it?

Maybe not.  But I believe God has good reason for His instructions to wives, and I don’t believe it is merely a relic of a bygone era where wives were chattel.  Its truth and timeless.

I did some research and found several resources which acknowledge the FEAR meaning of Ephesians 5:33.

Some teachings interpret wifely PHOBEO along the lines of  FEARing a pounding from their husbands and/or God if she "disrespects" her husband .  I suggest that the  FEAR instruction to wives has quite a different focus than that!   A  close look at the account of Ananias and Sapphira clarifies the intent and importance of GODLY FEAR in a marriage.   It does involve fear of consequences, but not from "disrespecting" her husband, No.  She should have the fear of consequences upon herself and the children from failing to stand up to him when he is headed in the wrong direction.  His porn use is sowing death, not only into his own spirit, but into the spirits of his wife and children.

Rather than living in FEAR of the WRATH of the husband- as the  quote from Barth states- I suggest that Paul and God's intent is more along the lines of living in FEAR of the consequences of tolerating and  enabling lying to  the Holy Spirit.  Renounce the "Sapphira Spirit" and refuse to cover up and agree with a pretense of righteousness while your husband is keeping back, not part of the sale price of some land as did Ananias, but part of his very life.

GWTW's  word study on "help meet"/ezer speaks of this courageous MEET help who will firmly oppose her husband's unrighteousness:

Rise up, Christian wife.   YOU are  his  help meet!